The Toll of Youth Sports on Families
Dear Play, Community, Human, and Fun Enthusiasts,
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and it may seem odd to be talking about saying no to signing your kid up for organized youth sports – but there IS a connection.
With our very best intentions, and trying to be “good” parents, we sign them up. Maybe we don’t want them bored and begging us for time on their iPad or gaming system, are working and need them doing something after school, feel pressured because “every other kid” is signed up and don’t want our kid to miss out, want them physically active, worry if they don’t start now they’ll be “too late” to learn, and they’ll be left behind, or want our kids to have their opportunity to shine and reach their full potential. Oh, and maybe they can play in college and get a scholarship!
Some facts:
⚽️ 70% of kids quit organized sports by the age of 13 because it’s no longer fun
🏀 Only 6%-7% of high school athletes play a college sport
🏈 Only 2% of high school athletes get any sort of scholarship money
⚾️ 0.3% of high school athletes get a full ride
🏐 Youth sports has become a $43 billion industry – there is $$$ to be made off you
The truth is that organized youth sports are taking a significant mental, financial, physical, and logistical toll on families. With our eyes only on the upside – and with it having become the cultural norm – we are often blind to the negative short- and long-term impacts.
It’s hurting our kids.
High-commitment, high-cost organized youth sports are no longer the release of pressure that our kids need, but an additional pressure point for achievement and performance. Terrified of making mistakes or disappointing parents, the unrelenting pressure leads to chronic stress, loss of joy, burnout, and worsening mental health for our kids.
Adult-led instruction and play don’t allow for a child’s agency and natural curiosity. Organized and separated by age, there are no opportunities to interact with kids in grades below or above. Early specialization and year-round travel leagues cause overuse injuries, stress fractures, and lifelong physical damage. When they become exhausted and overwhelmed, with little downtime or rest, feelings of hopelessness can set in. Guilt about wanting to quit, even though parents have spent considerable time and money, can be another added pressure. The saddest part is that the majority of kids are quitting at a major physical and developmental age – the exact time when their bodies and minds are ready for more and need it.
It’s hurting us parents (which in turn hurts our kids…)
I know all too well the toll this can take on parents. I once counted 37 drop-offs and pick-ups for my three girls in one week, as Jennifer Wallace shared in her book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It. I was exhausted, our afternoons and evenings were hectic and stressful, and family dinner was a challenge – and forget even being home to make it! Playdates were impossible as I needed to be driving someone somewhere for their sports. That doesn’t even address the significant financial commitment and burden on families.
And thanks to the late Dr. Suniya Luthar and her research, we know that the biggest factor in a child’s well-being and resilience is the well-being of their primary caregiver. So if you are stressed, burned out, and not okay, your kid won’t be okay either. Taking care of your well-being bolsters their well-being.
Lens shift:
So what if you didn’t sign them up for that sports team? Instead of worrying about what they would miss out on, shift your lens and think about what they – and your family would gain. For starters, you would save money, time with your family, and you’d save a chunk of your sanity. Your mental health.
Don’t sign them up for this season, or if you already have, be flexible with the schedule. Make time for free play, playdates, and family life. Don’t let them specialize early. See what you gain instead of what you might lose.
One of the main reasons I started the block party movement in 2018 was because when I told my girls to go outside and play or tried to arrange playdates, there was no one to play with as everyone was all signed up! Block parties connect neighbors so that we can bring back the much-needed mixed-aged, child-led neighborhood free play! Bonus: parents don’t have to be taxi drivers for their over-scheduled kids.
Play, true joyful play, is an essential, protective element of being human. It is an evolutionary necessity that is critical for our brains and hearts. It provides social and life skills development, bolsters our mental health, relieves stress, and increases our resilience.
Let us prioritize this protective factor and minimize the risk factors, so that we may know that our lives are worth living.
PS If your interest is piqued and you’d like to learn more, I highly recommend Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports–and Why It Matters by Linda Flanagan.
